Parenthood

I love being a parent.  It has been the best thing in my life.

It hasn’t always been easy.  Looking back, I would not have chosen to be a parent at 18.  I didn’t get to call people to tell them I was pregnant and for them to be happy for me.  There were some whispers instead of celebrations, and I feel that I missed some of the “fun” of expecting.  I wish (in a way) I was joining in the conversations of my co-workers about baby room paint colours and bedding choices.  They show me their ultrasound pictures, and I tell them that it looks like they are having an alien.  (but a cute alien.)  I wish I had a toddler and another on the way, to dress them in little matching outfits and take them to the park.  (and the baby stuff is SOOOO much cooler than when I had a baby– poor Jeremy, he didn’t even have an exer-saucer–he’s from the “old days”)

I almost feel the need to apologize to Jeremy for being as young and naive as I was.  I did my best with him, with TONS of help. My parents, extended family and Phillip’s family all showed me love, affection and support and through their help I learned so much.  Jeremy not only survived having me as a mom, he has thrived and exceeded my expectations.

But, if I wasn’t the mom I was, then he wouldn’t be the boy/man that he is.  Jeremy is so smart and kind.  He is sensitive (sometimes to a fault), and he is empathetic towards people close to him.  I can’t believe how grown up he is, and he is always surprising me.  His music is incredible, his writing is profound, and his personality is wonderful.  The things that make me the most proud, are the qualities and talents that are so much more than I could ever have.  The things that frustrate me the most, are the negative qualities that I show too: not working hard, wasting my talents, being lazy, being messy, sliding into negative thoughts.

But Jeremy and I  have a relationship that my friends don’t yet have with their children.  We fight, we play, we have an understanding.  I think he really sees me as a whole person, not just a “talking head” (although I know he will tell you all I do is bitch and nag), but he really sees my highs and lows.  Jeremy is always ready to be “used and abused” by me and our little inside jokes and funny sayings keep our relationship strong.  I don’t always tell him seriously how special he is to me, but I try to show it in silly ways all day, every day. I am beginning to see the charming, intelligent man that Jeremy is growing into, and it makes me so proud to be his mother.

This summer, he will be 21, finishing his second year in university and looking ahead at the different paths his life will take.    I love him so much, and I love being his mom.