For anyone who has ever been in the car with me–you know I hate traffic.
I don’t hate driving–if no one else was on the 401, I would be just fine. I JUST can’t trust those other people. When I am in the car with someone else driving, my brain is on overdrive. I’m like one of those Chess Grand Masters who can see 4 moves ahead. (See, he’s going to cut off that red car, she will swerve and slam on the brakes, the white car will move and hit us). I think this is because a number of years ago I was the guilty one in an accident. “Failure to Yield” is the technical offence (that cost me 2 or 3 points and $300). The physics will prove that HE hit ME, the police seem to think he hit me because I turned out in front of him with no warning.
(Side bar to this accident story–lots of damage to the cars- about as much as you can have before people were really hurt. Mom and I, and the two people were all taken to the hospital, everyone except mom on backboards. Police cars, firetrucks, ambulances– it was spectacular–and the most surreal experience of my life, which I kept telling the paramedics.—
However it was also the night of my greatest regret: I was strapped down to a backboard and in a neck brace so I missed my Mom, FALLING OUT OF THE AMBULANCE!!!! I guess they thought she was okay going down the stairs, and she thought she knew where the step was, all of a sudden I hear “Ohhh” and the medics leave me and are a buzz over therewhere I can’t see, and I can’t turn my head because I’m on the rack. ”Are you okay? What Happened? I had her but I guess not enough? I’m fine, I just slipped on the step!” I’m now screaming “Did you fall out of the ambulance???? Let me up, I’m missing this!!!…… our injury’s proved to be less than serious– The pain of not seeing that moment will haunt me forever)
But, now I know how stupid drivers are and how easily something can go wrong. Has it stopped me from playing games, eating or talking on the phone when I drive. NO, but I am aware how crazy fast things can change and I like to give Phillip (my usual driver) advice about road conditions, other drivers and my anxiety level in a given traffic situation.
First of all we use a colour system, not unlike the Pentagon– Green, Yellow, Orange, Red, to represent growing levels of anxiety and stress. Green is sitting in the driveway with the engine off. It goes up from there.
There are a list of conditions that upset me. Here is a little Amanda to real world dictionary:
- “LANEY” this is the worst of them (or tied for worse). Laney happens when there is no open lane on either side. In a emergency situation, we can not move to the left or the right. It is really bad when they use those concrete barriers to close a shoulder when there is construction. I hyperventilate. Laney, laney, laney…
- “ZONING” is my other most stressful condition. You need a “zone” between the end of the car before you and your vehicle (there used to be a sign on the 401 about keeping apart 2 Chevrons) In emergencies, you need a zone to be able to brake or manouver around. (Personally I like a zone of 9 or 12 car lengths–I am getting better at understanding that on the 401 this very rarely happens)
- “TRUCKY” this one is pretty easy, truckies are big, I am small and delicate. Truckies combined with laney or zoning is bad!! I can’t handle it. AHhh Trucky!!!
- “RAINY”- again, no big mystery, but it compromises visibility and makes other stressful situations worse. Oh rainy rainy
- “GROOVY”– this is when they rip up the ashphalt and its got grooves in it. I realize that that might be a step in the re-paving method, but do you have to groove it 4 months before the new black top goes down????? Groovy and rainy is a bad combination and there is groovy right by my house currently. YUCK!!!!. I physically relax when the tires go back on the smooth road again.
- “CURVY” –beyond anyone’s control–sometimes the road curves, but curves can be harder to maneuver especially for truckies on groovy roads in the rain when there is reduced lane space. (Which sounds like me fake “screaming” Ahhhh laney, groovy, rainy, curvey, trucky, laney, groovy, rainy,curvey, trucky. Apparently, its a little annoying and distracting to the driver.)
- “BRAKEY” –I hate this one, its when we are still travelling at highway speed, but the rest of the traffic has its brake lights on….and we do not seem to be slowing…….. brakeybrakey brakey—sea of red death!!! AHhhhh
- Snow, Ice and Freezing rain send me into a panic that needs another whole blog!!!!!!
- I thought I was finished, but a driver on the 401 helped me to include another phobia. This driver was being nuts: not holding the lane, slowing down, speeding up YIKES. And none of the other conditions were in play–It wasn’t groovy, rainy, trucky etc. As we passed her, I noticed that she was about 200 years old and so OLD LADY entered my list. (I realize that that is horribly prejudiced and there are many old ladies who are excellent drivers, and many young drivers who are nuts. — I have (so far) only yelled OLD LADY, at that one old lady, but i fear that it might need to be used again in the future)
